About Me

Hey, I’m Ben.

For a long time, I believed that if I just worked hard enough and stayed disciplined, everything would fall into place. I stayed on top of school. Trained hard. Ate clean. Practiced music. Tried to be the kind of person who didn’t let things slip. 

On paper, I was following a pretty clear path: valedictorian in high school, good grades in college, nice-paying consulting job after graduation.

But over time, constantly striving and trying to optimize and do things “right” started to cost more than it gave back. The habits that I thought showed I was ambitious and healthy had actually become rigid, fear-driven, and unsustainable. My nervous system got stuck in overdrive. Always doing more, controlling more, tightening up–out of a fear of what might happen if I let myself slow down, mess up, or not try as hard.

In late 2024, after years of pushing my body too hard, I was diagnosed with orthorexia and RED-S chose to enter treatment. It was a wake-up call. Not a dramatic breaking point, but a clear signal that something had to change. I began asking different questions. Not just “How can I be better?” but “What’s driving all this effort? What am I afraid would happen if I stopped?

This site grew out of that experience—but it’s also been a long time coming.

For the past few years, I’ve been exploring inner work—journaling, reading, meditating, even volunteering at a Buddhist monastery. And I’m hoping that consolidating some of my takeaways through this site could help someone who is where I’ve been.

It’s not here to give perfect advice. It’s here to share what I’ve learned (and am still learning) about letting go of self-worth tied to achievement and listening to my body – through books, through experience, through a lot of sitting with uncomfortable truths. 

It’s a space to explore what it means to slow down without giving up, to find ease without losing drive, and to let “I’m enough” be the starting point and not something that requires conditions.

If you’ve ever felt like you had to earn your worth, rest, or self-respect through discipline or productivity—know that you’re not alone. But I’m starting to accept we’re already enough even before starting to try so hard. And that loosening our grip doesn’t mean losing ourselves—it can actually be a road to figuring out what’s more authentic and real.

Thanks for being here.